Don’t Take Candy from Strangers… Unless It’s Ice Cream

6 Feb

Ice cream trucks are creepy.

I’m just putting that out there.

In theory, they’re supposed to be this:

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Ice Cream Truck, Ice Cream

In actuality, sometimes they’re more like this:

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Ice Cream Truck, Ice Cream

Now, before we continue on, I just have to say… Not ALL Ice Cream Trucks are creepy. I have this vision of an angry mob of villagers stampeding the castle.

Probably because I read and write too much fantasy and it’s not much of a story or a blog post if there isn’t an angry mob storming something.

Perhaps I should say the logic of ice cream trucks is the problem. The real deal is:

We tell our kids not to take candy from strangers.

But if a van comes driving slowly down the street… with its twinkle music, a stranger behind the wheel, and the lure of frozen treats…

RUN toward them. In fact, RUN and scream: ICE CREAMMM!!!

One time I was walking my dog and this kid heard the music and he LOST IT. Like seriously lost it.

Maybe you aren’t surprised because you’ve witnessed the small children/Ice Cream Truck phenomenon, but I was new to the neighborhood, and I couldn’t believe his enthusiasm. If we bottled that energy, we’d never need caffeine.

He shouted: ICE CREAMMM!!! He RAN down the street, waving his hands, chasing the truck.

All I could think was, doesn’t this kid have ice cream in his freezer?

I have ice cream in my freezer that’s been sitting there for months. Part of me wants to give this kid a carton of ice cream. Here, just take it! It’s reduced fat so your mom can’t get angry. Well she can… Because I’m a stranger…

This is where my paranoia kicks in. His mom will probably get mad and then come knock on my door. There is nothing I fear more than an angry neighbor knocking on my door to complain. In fact to be safe, never knock on my door and we’ll get along just fine.

So to avoid parent XYZ and to stop perpetuating this madness, I won’t give the kid ice cream…

He’s probably better off with the ice cream truck.

You’d think this couldn’t get worse. How could we possibly make this more creepy? We’ve got an old VAN. A complete stranger with candy. Scary twinkle music. A setting for the terrifying horror movie that is inevitable from this scenario.

But then we do make it worse because we tell our kids to pay the man with the candy. Talk about a mixed message.

Don’t take candy from strangers.

But if it’s the ice cream man, it’s okay.

And remember to pay them.

Always pay strangers for candy!

Let’s apply this to adulthood, because the lesson extends to us. How many of you go crazy for candy?

I’m guessing a lot.

What if I told you I’m giving away free chocolate? Do you want some? Do you…

Your answer should be NO!

I’m a stranger.

That was a test.

See? We all jump aboard the candy from strangers’ wagon. It’s pervading our society.

We aren’t very good examples for the little ones (I’m mostly kidding, I’m sure you’re lovely).

You might be thinking, but it’s only chocolate…

Still, remember. I am a stranger. Don’t take candy from strangers. And ice cream is a candy. How many of you are living in denial? It’s not candy… Okay. *nods* We all believe you.

I didn’t make this up. Ice cream trucks were rolling around with their scary twinkle music for years before I ever hit the radar.

I’m trying to figure out how to end this post on an upbeat note.

FREE CANDY FOR EVERYONE!!!

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Candy

JUST KIDDING.

That was another test.

You all fail.

We’ll be diving deeper into this issue on Friday with the post: That Awkward Moment When History Was Joking… But We Took Them For Reals

How is everyone doing this week? I’ve been in this weird kind of hyper/tired mood. Probably from too much candy from strangers. I’m just as guilty as the rest of you.

Who’s never taken candy from strangers? That’s a different question! Please advise us in your wise, wise ways.

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16 Responses to “Don’t Take Candy from Strangers… Unless It’s Ice Cream”

  1. Diana Beebe February 6, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

    I failed! Life Savers are one of my favorites, too. I’m with you on the creepy factor of ice cream trucks, and I remember chasing after them with my siblings. As soon as we heard the music at the top of the street, we’d grab money and run out the door by the time the truck got to our house.

    • kinleybaker February 6, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

      Oh no. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to tease about candy. Lol. We get lots of lifesavers from my in-laws for the winter holidays. I remember getting excited about the ice cream trucks, too. But I rarely was allowed to have any. That probably explains a lot. 🙂

  2. Kassandra Lamb February 6, 2013 at 6:05 pm #

    I never really thought about it before but yeah, stranger in a dinged-up van enticing children with sweet treats. Definitely creepy.

    • kinleybaker February 6, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

      I’m glad I can take something sweet and innocent and turn it creepy. LOL. My job here is done.

  3. Susan Jaymes February 7, 2013 at 12:45 am #

    Candy is my downfall but so is ice cream. Still I never chased down the ice cream truck.

    • kinleybaker February 7, 2013 at 1:41 am #

      It’s never too late to chase after the ice cream truck. 😉 A positive slogan from today’s wacky post.

  4. alicamckennajohnson February 7, 2013 at 2:40 am #

    Always pay strangers for candy. I love it.

  5. Kim Griffin February 11, 2013 at 4:32 pm #

    One of the funniest posts I’ve read in a while. Read it at least three times: once or twice to myself, once to my daughter and once to my husband.

    Really, it never gets old ~ in fact, I’m gonna read it again.

    You’re totally right about the mixed messages and they have that ice cream music blaring don’t they? In my neighborhood, you can hear that creepy music at least an hour before they cross in front of my house.

    Makes for a terrifying day where I’m waiting for rabid clowns to run through the streets and for children to instantly vanish into an alternative universe..

    • kinleybaker February 11, 2013 at 4:42 pm #

      Lol, Kim! Thank you. I’m so glad you liked it. Yes, exactly, my mind goes to creepy clowns and alternate universes. I’m glad to meet a like mind. 🙂

      • lynnkelleyauthor February 13, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

        I love your humor, Kinley! When we lived in the High Desert of SoCal, the ice cream truck played Christmas music all year long. It drove me nuts! And even as teens, my kids would want to go buy something from the ice cream truck. Some of those guys are super duper creepy. I remember when my kids were younger and my daughter came home and told me the ice cream man wouldn’t give her the change she had coming! Sheesh!

      • kinleybaker February 14, 2013 at 3:11 am #

        Thank you, Lynn! 🙂

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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