The absolutely crucial question everyone should ask their life partner about the apocalypse before commitment

20 Feb

My husband and I have been together for seven years. Up until this point in our relationship, I thought we pretty much knew our opinions on all the importance issues.

Then he disclosed the one thing I never thought to ask. The one thing I didn’t realize could divide us on a level I never previously comprehended.

The revelation?

My husband is PRO Zombie Apocalypse.

*everyone gasps*

I KNOW. I just… can’t even…

How did this all come about? It began innocently enough with him deciding to watch The Walking Dead. A few weeks ago, we started from the beginning and caught up within one weekend.

EXCELLENT SHOW.

There were just a few problems.

I am paranoid about zombies like nobody’s business.

The show was fascinating!

BUT.

I had zombie nightmares… I dreamed about the characters… I peered out my window into my cul-de-sac, waiting for the inevitable herd invasion.

trees, Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies

If you stare long enough, you’ll see the herd…
ACK.
I was kidding, but I freaked myself out.

To comprehend the full extent of my freak out, you’d probably have to read this post on Slaying the Worry Dragon. Apply all that to this.

Please, zombies. Take anyone else. Just PLEASE, not Earth. *holds out sword and swings with the worst aim ever*

With the new weekend approaching, I thought we could move onto something less everybody dies like Downton Abbey. I even said I think I’ll choose not to watch the upcoming shows of The Walking Dead because I just can’t handle zombies.

I’m sorry, EVERYONE. But I hate zombies with a fiery passion inside my soul. I am 100% convinced that not only is it possible to become a zombie, but that we will, in fact, have this happen during my lifetime.

I hate zombies. I’M SORRY.

I LOVE the show. I ABHOR the zombies.

Then what will be described as the largest struggle of our relationship occurred.

He started re-watching the show. AND it gets worse.

We were in the car one morning when we had this conversation.

I couldn’t comprehend his words. “What are you thinking… re-watching?!”

Then…

*pauses for dramatic effect* But also… *pauses to regain normal breathing*

He made the confession that will send shockwaves through our commitment for the rest of our days.

He said: HE WANTS TO LIVE IN THE WALKING DEAD WORLD.

!*#&$*@(!!&$(@*&$*(#!@&$*(#!!@&(#@!$*

WHAAAT?!?!?!

You want to: WHAAAT?!?!?!

I just…

Does he even know what he’s saying? To the girl who HATES zombies?

I can see now where it all went wrong. I made the simple mistake that many of you have probably also made.

I didn’t ask my husband if he was PRO or CON Zombie Apocalypse before we were married.

This will be a subject that will divide us FOREVER.

!&%!!$*(&#(^!%*(#$&(!

So please, do yourself a favor. Ask your significant other their stance on this important issue. This is more important to discern your opinions on pre-commitment than POLITICS, RELIGION, AND CAFFEINE.

You’re both either PRO Apocalypse or you’re destined to travel into the end of the world divided.

And what has The Walking Dead taught us? A divided team is herd bait. A divided section of the team gets killed off. A divided team is ripe for the plucking by the very zombies that drove them apart.

Don’t be a zombie statistic. Talk to your friends and loved ones about this very important threat.

How am I handling all this?

(You might be asking.)

Not well. Not well at all.

My husband actually said he thought living in that world would be fun. FUN.

Then I got to thinking and maybe I really would live better in a world that was survival of the fittest to an impossible degree. I wouldn’t have to worry about all the mundane things I worry about every dang day.

I would just fight to stay alive. So maybe I’m growing from this whole experience. Or at least, I think I am, until he puts the show on again and I have to see more ZOMBIES.

*shivers*

Have you seen The Walking Dead? Do you like it? I’m really a fan of the show. Some of the character exploration makes me gleeful, it’s so interesting.

I just wish they would have chosen a Vampire Apocalypse, or maybe anything… ANYTHING else (I realize it really couldn’t have been anything else).

I told someone the truth recently. You should have seen their expression.

“I LOVE The Walking Dead. I just don’t watch the zombie part.”

LOL. Yeah. Your face is what his face looked like.

Do you have something that everybody else LOVES that creeps you the heck out? Zombies have always been the thing I just CAN’T. I like the show.

*holds up hands and backs away slowly*

Easy, Walking Dead fans. I love your show. Honest.

*speaks in soothing tones*

Alright, alright! Stop yelling!

(Careful, your zombie is showing.)

Kinley Baker (@kinleybaker)

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6 Responses to “The absolutely crucial question everyone should ask their life partner about the apocalypse before commitment”

  1. Joni Hahn February 21, 2013 at 2:45 am #

    I’m with you, Kinley. HATE zombies. I want nothing to do with them. Everyone says that show is good but I have no desire to see it.

    The one thing that threw me before we got married was my husband would go to concerts with me – said he enjoyed them, even though he was partially deaf. After we said I do, nothing. If I want to go to a concert, I have to find someone to go with me. WTH? I love music – especially live music.

    I met my husband at a C&W dance club. He asked me to dance and the rest was history. Do you think he dances now? :/ Maybe if I held his Xbox controller out in front of him he might follow it. =)

    • kinleybaker February 21, 2013 at 2:49 am #

      I’m glad I’m not alone, Joni! Lol. It really is a great show, but if you dislike zombies, it’s quite the challenge.

      Too funny! My husband won’t dance with me anymore either. And he even says I can’t dance very well! I don’t believe he disclosed that opinion before we married. 🙂 I will dance on alone, though!

  2. Lena Corazon February 22, 2013 at 7:33 am #

    No, no, no, no, no. There are many worlds I would love to live in. Hogwarts. Narnia. Even Westeros, although I think I’d probably die young and brutally. But THE WALKING DEAD?! Heaven preserve us all.

    Incidentally, I had a dream a while back that I was in the midst of the zombie apocalypse, pulling together my zombie-killing arsenal with my band of survivors. My weapon of choice was a screwdriver (???), but I also favored the ice pick. Somewhere in the midst of our slashing and hacking, a UFO showed up and aliens rounded up all the remaining humans and kept us like pets. But! We weren’t zombie food anymore, so I guess it was all good?

    • kinleybaker February 22, 2013 at 5:31 pm #

      Lol! Yes! Hogwarts or Narnia. Now we’re talking.

      I’ve been terrified of aliens since I saw Independence Day. But if there were zombies on Earth and aliens invaded, I’d be first in line. Interesting dream!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] rounded things out with a question everyone should ask their life partner and a confession about how I really feel abou…. The Walking Dead may or may not make an appearance in that […]

  2. Tammy’s Top Ten Funniest Author Blogs! | Books, Bones & Buffy - May 28, 2013

    […] Kinley Baker (author of Ruined and Excuse My Fairy). I have to admit, I have not read any of Kinley’s books. (sorry!) But for some reason, I subscribed to her blog posts. And I’m so glad I did. Otherwise I never would have read this hysterically funny post about how she hates zombies but loves The Walking Dead. And how her hus…. […]

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