The problem with high heels and zombies

1 May

I don’t even know how to start this post. It’s that ridiculous. But I also feel I must share this information because it literally changes how I live my life, and that just makes it ten times more ridiculous.

In the mornings, my shoe routine goes something like this:

Maybe I should wear high heels today. That would be a nice and professional choice for my job that encourages nice and professional attire.

Then my mind wanders over to zombies. Thanks to my husband and The Walking Dead, everything always goes back to zombies.

I’m thinking… If I’m at work and zombies attack downtown, high heels would put me at a severe disadvantage.

First Position, Dancing, Shoes, High Heels, Ballet Flats, Romance Author, Kinley Baker

Prime Zombie Fighting Shoes

First of all, people run slower in high heels as a rule. I also run slower in high heels because I can barely even manage the walking.

So in the event of an attack, I’m probably going down first because I will probably be the slowest runner.

You might be thinking, just take your shoes off. But this is where my imagination goes off the deep end. You can’t take your shoes off because then your feet will get scratched/cut on the pavement, and you will step in zombie blood, which is pretty much like getting bitten if we’re keeping our world building consistent.

So now not only does wearing high heels put me at a speed disadvantage, but if I take my shoes off to run away, I’m pretty much asking to become a zombie.

Every morning I think I should wear high heels.

Every morning I go through all the reasons why high heels would be a poor choice in the event of a zombie invasion.

Every morning I end up wearing flats. And since I wear my flats so often, they now have holes in the bottom and in the event of a zombie invasion, well, etc.

And yes, it does take me a long time to get ready in the morning. Not because I care at all for fashion. But because I should probably wear the black tank top because that would hide the zombie blood and the darker pants because they will hide the stains, and well, etc.

Getting ready in the morning is really exhausting. By the time I recover, it’s the next morning, and well, etc.

-Kinley Baker


5 Responses to “The problem with high heels and zombies”

  1. H. E. Lexus May 1, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

    As I am sure you know there are not any zombies… Have the thoughts and just put the heels on… You will be just fine and will make it home just fine… I am sure you know all this… Lets see the heels!!! 😉

    • Kinley Baker May 1, 2013 at 5:31 pm #

      I don’t know for sure there are no zombies, but you are correct that I should just wear heels. If zombies really attack, I’ll have bigger problems.

  2. Diana Beebe May 1, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

    Hilarious, Kinley! Absolutely logical, too. 😉 I don’t have a problem avoiding high heels. Now, I know I’ll be prepared.

    • Kinley Baker May 1, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

      I just want to get my message out there. Lol. Flat shoes = a responsible choice. Fight zombies with pride.

  3. John Holton May 3, 2013 at 2:33 am #

    Get yourself a new pair of flats.

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