What is dating?

20 May

I have a confession. I’ve never dated. I’ve never been asked out on a date outside the world of high school. I honestly don’t even think I was asked on dates in high school, but maybe I was and someone might happen upon this and call me a liar, so I’m covering my bases.

I’ve never been asked out by a stranger. I hear this happens. Or that people get “hit on”, but the concept is really something I’ve only seen in movies. I hear that being asked out is common. I’ve heard of a lot of people talk about the time that guy hit on them at the bar, or whatever.

Maybe I don’t hang out at the right places. Or there is something about me that throws off major “I’m nuts” vibes. I’m sure my wedding ring doesn’t help things now, but honestly I don’t think anyone has ever thought, “I’m going to ask her out.” And then looked at the ring and thought, “Darn.”

Whatever the reason, it’s just not something I understand, which is fine when I’m living in strange Kinley land, but not fine when I’m trying to write characters who have different experiences than me.

Yesterday I ran into a problem with my new book.

I can’t figure out the dynamics of dating and meeting strangers. I’m completely out of my element, and the whole thing feels awkward to me. So I need your help if you don’t mind.

I’d love to hear about your disaster dates or successful dates. Please help me understand the world of dating. I love hearing about these types of stories.

-Kinley Baker


9 Responses to “What is dating?”

  1. ritaperris May 20, 2013 at 7:11 am #

    Wow. Very cool post, Kinley. It’s my first time on your blog and I have to say I’m as surprised by your experience as you seem to be by other people’s. Not to sound conceited, but I get talked to and asked out by strangers quite a lot. I thought it happened to most women since a lot of my girlfriends complain about the very same thing. I also suspected it was because I gave off “weird” vibes, like I was really open to talking to strangers…? Might be the case, since I also get asked for directions a lot.
    Anyway, your post may have inspired a post or two 🙂

    • Kinley Baker May 20, 2013 at 1:58 pm #

      Thank you for visiting! I don’t think it’s conceited. Lol. It’s just something that happens. Or so I hear. 🙂 I don’t know what it is about me that scares prospective suitors away, but it’s inconvenient for writing about relationships.

  2. Susan Jaymes May 22, 2013 at 12:25 am #

    I’d like to help but I met my husband through work and mutual friends. Thirty years later and here we are. Good luck with your new book.

    • Kinley Baker May 22, 2013 at 1:08 am #

      Thank you, Susan! Yes, that’s like a lot of people I know. They met through friends, which establishes a different kind of trust barrier than taking a chance on a complete stranger. Congrats on 30 years!

  3. Stacy Teitel May 24, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

    I don’t get hit on often, but it has happened a few times. One of the most unexpected times for me was in the grocery store. I was trying to decide on a cut of meat when I hear a voice, “You have nice hair. Want to go out?” I thought, aren’t we all here to buy food? Nope. Some guys see this as an opportunity.

    In writing, however, I try to think of scenarios where two people are unexpectedly joined by a common problem or goal. They aren’t there to ask anyone out, but they get dragged together for other reasons. I like when problems and reactions give me information about the characters–things that aren’t always upfront. If it was a direct hit-on, I’d try to fill it with accidents or unexpected outcomes to minimize the awkward. Then instead of that uncomfortable feeling, readers wonder what’s going to happen next. That’s just me. 🙂

    • Kinley Baker May 25, 2013 at 2:34 am #

      Thanks for visiting, Stacy! Huh, the grocery store. It would never occur to me to try to meet someone there.

      I do the same thing with writing. I just found myself in a position with my new book where someone was going home with a stranger for the first time and I realized I had no idea how that dynamic works.

      • Stacy Teitel May 28, 2013 at 9:55 pm #

        That actually sounds like a fun scene to work with. If one or both of the characters had any obvious ticks or weird OCD things, that could be a fun distraction to lighten what I think most people find as an awkward dating situation. Or you could play up the awkwardness that could be laughed at later on… There’s that fine line between an interested look and the stare of a murderer LOL. Thanks for a thought-provoking post! 🙂

  4. eleedanielle May 26, 2013 at 7:24 am #

    A couple of weeks ago my waiter at a restaurant left me his number with a note that said “in case you are interested”. I later texted him which lead to some interesting conversation. I have also been asked out online often and gone on practically blind dates with them ha. I have a million strange stories you could use for your book. I used to work at a bikini coffee stand I could give you a million examples just from that haha. I really enjoyed this post, especially the “darn” part. Made me giggle!


  1. Getting Asked Out By Strangers Part.1 | singlegirlontheloose - May 21, 2013

    […] the other day – yes, a hobby of mine (especially at work, tee hee) – I came across this post that really surprised me. The author says she has never been asked out by a stranger and expressed […]

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