Archive | June, 2013

Strangers in vans are bad. Got it.

28 Jun

Remember this post?

I told my dad that story and he said, “Never stop and talk to people in vans.”

You know, in case you ever wondered why I’m so dang paranoid. It wasn’t taught to me or anything.

The whole time I was writing that post, I was honestly thinking, maybe I should add in here how I don’t support talking to strangers.

With that said, don’t talk to strangers in vans. I support that.

I wonder how my dad feels about ice cream trucks. It’s all starting to make sense now.

You can’t trust people, but you can trust dogs. Paw to paw with my man, Joker.

Joker, Dogs, Dog Friends, Kinley Baker, Romance Author

Kinley Baker

Revenge of the lawn chair

26 Jun

This post is about a lawn chair. But to really get the story, I need to give you context. Last weekend, I dragged my husband to an Arts Festival with my parents for Father’s Day. It was a great day, but I burned. I burned from Seattle sun.

My cousin is getting married in Hawaii soon, and I realized that I can’t be this pale and go to Hawaii. I haven’t flirted with the sun in five years, and my skin is like a burn magnet. So, on Saturday, I woke up with the mad idea that I needed a lawn chair, so I could get a little tan, so that I don’t burn on the first day of Hawaii.

So I managed to convince my husband he needed to go with me and we went to Fred Meyers. I asked about my budget for this lawn chair, and he said $20.

Of course they didn’t have anything that cheap at Fred Meyers. So we went to Walmart. Here’s where it gets a little more interesting. Thanks for sticking around to get to a little more interesting.

Guess how much the lawn chair we found cost? $20. Exactly. Not $19.99 or $21.99. No. $20. Exactly. Really, husband? Do you always have to be exactly right?

We finally get this lawn chair home. Here it is, in fact:

Lawn Chair, Relaxing, Summer, Fun, Kinley Baker, Romance Author

And I put on a bikini from our honeymoon (no picture of that madness), which I will never again wear in public, because five years ago me was much more daring, apparently.

I get the chair all ready. Get the towels laid down. My husband is watching this with what I suspect is amusement. I sit down on the chair…

And it collapses. Like all the way. I fell on my back, and I couldn’t even get up because I was laughing so hard. It hurt. But man, was it funny. The stupid lawn chair. Revenge is a lawn chair’s bloodline.

I learned a valuable lesson over the weekend. Next time I think I have a brilliant idea, just stay home. Just stay home. Just stay home.

Have you ever been attacked by a lawn chair? Please tell me I’m not alone.

Kinley Baker

Howdy from a stranger

24 Jun

Ahem. I’ve been gone for a month. I swear I blinked and the time flew. Literally. I’m even wearing my Superman t-shirt today. That’s how serious I am about flying.

Speaking of clothing, my husband bought me a pair of Batman pajamas for my birthday and they are awesome. My birthday is kind of why I disappeared. It was the end of May. But those are just excuses.

Lacking excuses!

While I was gone, my husband and I also celebrated our five year anniversary. Guess what I made him? Yes! A puzzle. But it’s not an impossible puzzle. It actually worked.

Here it is:

Heart, pink, anniversary, puzzle, love, marriage

Then when he completed the puzzle, I got to say fun things like, “You healed all the broken pieces of my heart.” Which he grimaced at because it was so sappy.

Oh no, she didn’t go there. Oh yes, yes I did.

Being gone and trying to figure out if I should apologize for my absence does bring up an important point. Sometimes people apologize for being offline, and I always wonder if we really need to apologize for disconnecting. Are our brains wired to be online all the time, or do we need to take a step back sometimes?

But then I think maybe some people are genuinely missed when they’re gone. People really do think they’re owed an apology. They feel wronged for not being able to read the wisdom of their favorite peep.

I’m pretty sure you guys don’t feel wronged, right? I mean I’m only like 10% funny. Most people who are missed probably average over 50% funny.

This is rambling. But I’ve returned to blogland. And if you want an apology, I am all for giving one. I am so sorry you had to go without me! See? Now I feel like a jerk. Lol. There is no winning with this.

Maybe to redeem myself I should ask about you! What the heck have you been up to? I’ve missed you all. Sincerely.

Come back on Wednesday when I tell the story about the lawn chair that fought back. If you think I’m a jerk, you’ll like what this lawn chair did to me.

Kinley Baker