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Awkward dating scenario for real

23 Sep

I picture my return to blogging like a super awkward after first date phone call. It goes a little like this.

Dater 1: I think I’ll call Dater 2 back. I had a nice time. *picks up phone.* *dials the carefully stored away phone number*


Dater 2: “Hello?”

Dater 1: “Hey, it’s Dater 1.”

Long stretch of silence.

Dater 2: “Oh. Hi.”

Dater 1: They don’t sound happy to hear from me. Maybe they don’t like me. “I was wondering if you’d like to go to a movie on Friday.”

Awkward long stretch of silence.

Dater 2: “Why?”

Dater 1: I have to answer why? “I had a nice time?” That sounded like a question, didn’t it.

Dater 2: *exasperated noise of disgust*

Dater 1: “Didn’t you have a nice time?” Maybe I’m delusional.

Dater 2: “Of course I did!”

Dater 1: “Then what’s the problem?” Maybe Dater 2 is crazy.

Dater 2: “That was two months ago!”

Awkward silence.

Dater 1: “Oh.”

Dater 2: “Oh? All you have to say is ‘oh’?”

Dater 1: “I didn’t realize.”

Dater 2: “You didn’t realize two months went by?”

Dater 1: “No.”

Dater 2: “What were you doing?!”

Dater 1: “I don’t know.”

Dater 2: “#*#&&@^!^!*($((#)#(@*!&”

Dater 1: “Um.”


There’s really no coming back from that, Dater 1.


Dater 1: *hangs up slowly*…*backs away even more slowly*…*wonders if anyone will ever go to the movies with Dater 1 again*

Heart, pink, anniversary, puzzle, love, marriage

I think I cracked my own heart.

Basically, I’m Dater 1. I’m sorry? Oh, I apologized for being away. I totally wrote a blog post wondering if that was necessary once. I feel it’s necessary today.

This is like when my husband asked me if my sink was rattling. I listened for a moment, then said yes. Upon further consideration I told him it had been rattling for a long time. Like perhaps months.

He asked why I didn’t tell him, my Mr. Fix It husband.

Um. It never occurred to me?

Life is like my broken sink. I get caught up in work, books, publishing, family and life. I turn around and it’s been too long.

This is a flaw in my character. One I will work on.

(Disclaimer: This does not apply to deadlines. I’m obsessive about meeting deadlines and obligations. Also anything related to publishing. If I delay there is a reason behind it. This blog post applies to, well, everything else.)

I wasn’t sure how to come back and share my flaw. I’m embarrassed by it. Then I remembered the time I called that one person who told me I hadn’t seen them in two months.

Remarkably, I can’t seem to remember their name…

Anyway, I’m back.

And Dater 2 never called back. I wonder what I did wrong.


Howdy from a stranger

24 Jun

Ahem. I’ve been gone for a month. I swear I blinked and the time flew. Literally. I’m even wearing my Superman t-shirt today. That’s how serious I am about flying.

Speaking of clothing, my husband bought me a pair of Batman pajamas for my birthday and they are awesome. My birthday is kind of why I disappeared. It was the end of May. But those are just excuses.

Lacking excuses!

While I was gone, my husband and I also celebrated our five year anniversary. Guess what I made him? Yes! A puzzle. But it’s not an impossible puzzle. It actually worked.

Here it is:

Heart, pink, anniversary, puzzle, love, marriage

Then when he completed the puzzle, I got to say fun things like, “You healed all the broken pieces of my heart.” Which he grimaced at because it was so sappy.

Oh no, she didn’t go there. Oh yes, yes I did.

Being gone and trying to figure out if I should apologize for my absence does bring up an important point. Sometimes people apologize for being offline, and I always wonder if we really need to apologize for disconnecting. Are our brains wired to be online all the time, or do we need to take a step back sometimes?

But then I think maybe some people are genuinely missed when they’re gone. People really do think they’re owed an apology. They feel wronged for not being able to read the wisdom of their favorite peep.

I’m pretty sure you guys don’t feel wronged, right? I mean I’m only like 10% funny. Most people who are missed probably average over 50% funny.

This is rambling. But I’ve returned to blogland. And if you want an apology, I am all for giving one. I am so sorry you had to go without me! See? Now I feel like a jerk. Lol. There is no winning with this.

Maybe to redeem myself I should ask about you! What the heck have you been up to? I’ve missed you all. Sincerely.

Come back on Wednesday when I tell the story about the lawn chair that fought back. If you think I’m a jerk, you’ll like what this lawn chair did to me.

Kinley Baker

Enjoying the moment

15 May

In this fast pace world, I think we all forget to take a step back and relax. We forget to enjoy the moment because we’re so worried about predicting the future.

Last weekend, I went to lunch with my parents. They are hilarious. Mainly because they laugh at my jokes, but also because they understand me.

I always feel comfortable around them. If I say the wrong thing, they know the context.

I often worry about saying the wrong thing in life, and I think in certain cases, this fear can prevent us from saying the right thing.

So many times I’ve said nothing, when I should have said something.

But I argue with myself that it was better to say nothing than to say the wrong thing.

It’s a confusing circle.

I had a lot of deep thoughts that will probably never form themselves into a blog post while I ate lunch and watched the ferry go by.

All I can take away from that fabulous afternoon is the understanding that I took the time to watch the ferry, instead of ride it. These days, we give everything a purpose, we assign everyone their place.

There’s always something to do.

Take a moment to stare up at the sky, watch the water wave, or your loved one smile. Whatever you have to do will still be there in a second, and maybe this will help us all slow down and enjoy the moment.

And this post is picture-less up to this point because the ferry picture won’t load! *cries softly* I’m pretty sure my frustration with technology negates the whole post. Thanks a lot, technology.

Here’s a blue sky to make us all think happy thoughts.

blue sky, author kinley baker, romance author, happy thoughts


Choosing to believe the best and my new BFF Little Bird

3 May

Life is hard. Sometimes, we just have to choose to believe the best.

One day this week, when my husband was pulling into our garage, he kept looking behind him.

“What?!” I demanded. My first thought was: fire, intruder, apocalypse. As is normal for the eternally paranoid.

Instead of any of those things, he said, “I think that’s a dead bird.”

I was way sad face about it because we’ve had a few dead rabbits turn up lately and this is more proof that we do indeed have a neighborhood problem. I know what you’re thinking. Werewolves. I know, that was my first thought, too.

I know nature works its way for a reason, but I’m kind of a pro at mourning strangers and animals I just met.

We get out of the car and it turns out, it’s not a dead bird at all!

It’s a baby!

Meet Little Bird. Named after the television show Little Bear.

birds, cute, animals, baby birds, Kinley Baker, Author Kinley Baker, Romance Author, choosing to believe the best

“My parents left me on your doorstep. They said they’d be back later…”

Isn’t he adorable? I will love him forever.

Of course my husband was like: “Don’t touch him!”

My response: “It honestly never occurred to me!”

Selective germaphobes do not touch random wild animals.

But anyway, so this baby bird hung out there for a while.

Then he was gone. And this is the core of the post.

I choose to believe his parents came back for him. I choose to believe that he’s off in another part of the neighborhood causing adolescent mischief. I choose to believe these things, even if that does make me naive or optimistic.

Did it occur to me another animal might have eaten him? Yes.

Did it occur to me that Little Bird didn’t get a happy ending?


But I choose to believe he’s with his family in a happier place.

Because life is hard. Life sucks. Sometimes, you just have to choose to believe the best. No good comes from dwelling on the bad.

I doubt I’ll see Little Bird again, but I won’t forget him.

He showed up in my driveway, and that makes him part of my life.

He’ll grow older and have a good life. I choose to believe that.



Meet Prickly: The Balloon Animal Making Porcupine

4 Feb
Pic 1 - Prickly - A Very Poor Drawing by Kinley Baker

Prickly – A Poorly Drawn Picture by Kinley Baker

First of all, I know what you’re thinking. That drawing does not look like a porcupine.

Don’t worry, he’s much cuter in person. But he’s also shy, so I had to create this like-ness that doesn’t really look like him.

Second: Where is my rendition of a balloon animal?

That’s beyond my means.

Third: What does this have to do with anything?

Prickly’s Story

Prickly, the balloon animal making porcupine, spent a lot of his life denying who he was. He created his art in private, knowing if he showed anyone his creations they’d mock him.

He battled his very own nature, struggling to find self-worth and the confidence to believe in his aspirations. Many days he stared up at the sky and wondered why he’d been dealt such a steep hill to scurry up.

This made him sad.

Pic 2 - Sad Prickly

Sad Prickly

When he finally managed a slice of optimism, he went to his first birthday party gig and dazzled with his designs. Unfortunately, his hopes and dreams were not received… “well”—to say it nicely—by all.

Some peeps wanted to know who the heck he thought he was… Making balloon animals was not a job for the bristly. Did he really think he was going to make a living that way?

One day Prickly decided to tell everyone in the village STFU. He was no longer going to be caged by society’s restrictions.

A tied knapsack on a stick slung over his shoulder, he took his helium dispenser and balloon tadpoles and embarked on a journey.

Sure, he knew he’d blow a few shots along the way, but nothing great comes without a few insistent pokes, prods, and pops.

If Prickly has the courage to follow his dreams, I suppose I can summon some, as well.

Sometimes I find myself asking why I ever thought writing was a good idea.

Insecurity is more than a small road block. Skepticism brings on the doubters. Dreams can seem like delusions.

Whatever it is you hope to achieve (aim for the moon), I think a lot of us can relate to that uncertainty.

Yet through it all, there’s a steady beat in your blood, a little voice whispering in your mind that insists this road is aiming in the right direction.

Even if the path is hindered by storms, roadblocks, and impossible to live up to expectations.

We lose sight of the value of the journey. If we keep moving, working, striving for the thing we believe we want most in the world, what if we never reach it?

Will we be okay with the road traveled, if the destination is far different from anything we ever imagined?

This new blogging adventure is a way to enjoy the journey. Hopefully you’ll join me in laughter. I get a lot of blank faces at my jokes, but there are billions of people in the world. Surely, ten of you will laugh.

I’m going to slowly work up to the jokes. I’ve found my humor needs a lot of context. A LOT.

Here we go… Be kind. And in case you’re wondering, this is what Prickly looks like now that he’s decided to enjoy the journey.

Pic 3 - Happy Prickly

Happy Prickly

Have you ever embarked on a journey that scared you more than anything? What was it about that particular adventure that terrified you more than anything else in your life? Do you find it easiest to fear the thing that feels the most important? The most vital? The thing that requires revealing parts of yourself in order to truly begin the quest?

And on a lighter note, have you ever heard of a balloon animal making porcupine? I was going for originality. How’d I do?

Wednesday is the big ice cream truck post. Curious? There’s candy involved… I will lure you in with candy. That’s so appropriate to the post!

Kinley Baker (@kinleybaker)