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Awkward dating scenario for real

23 Sep

I picture my return to blogging like a super awkward after first date phone call. It goes a little like this.

Dater 1: I think I’ll call Dater 2 back. I had a nice time. *picks up phone.* *dials the carefully stored away phone number*

ring…ring…

Dater 2: “Hello?”

Dater 1: “Hey, it’s Dater 1.”

Long stretch of silence.

Dater 2: “Oh. Hi.”

Dater 1: They don’t sound happy to hear from me. Maybe they don’t like me. “I was wondering if you’d like to go to a movie on Friday.”

Awkward long stretch of silence.

Dater 2: “Why?”

Dater 1: I have to answer why? “I had a nice time?” That sounded like a question, didn’t it.

Dater 2: *exasperated noise of disgust*

Dater 1: “Didn’t you have a nice time?” Maybe I’m delusional.

Dater 2: “Of course I did!”

Dater 1: “Then what’s the problem?” Maybe Dater 2 is crazy.

Dater 2: “That was two months ago!”

Awkward silence.

Dater 1: “Oh.”

Dater 2: “Oh? All you have to say is ‘oh’?”

Dater 1: “I didn’t realize.”

Dater 2: “You didn’t realize two months went by?”

Dater 1: “No.”

Dater 2: “What were you doing?!”

Dater 1: “I don’t know.”

Dater 2: “#*#&&@^!^!*($((#)#(@*!&”

Dater 1: “Um.”

 

There’s really no coming back from that, Dater 1.

 

Dater 1: *hangs up slowly*…*backs away even more slowly*…*wonders if anyone will ever go to the movies with Dater 1 again*

Heart, pink, anniversary, puzzle, love, marriage

I think I cracked my own heart.

Basically, I’m Dater 1. I’m sorry? Oh, I apologized for being away. I totally wrote a blog post wondering if that was necessary once. I feel it’s necessary today.

This is like when my husband asked me if my sink was rattling. I listened for a moment, then said yes. Upon further consideration I told him it had been rattling for a long time. Like perhaps months.

He asked why I didn’t tell him, my Mr. Fix It husband.

Um. It never occurred to me?

Life is like my broken sink. I get caught up in work, books, publishing, family and life. I turn around and it’s been too long.

This is a flaw in my character. One I will work on.

(Disclaimer: This does not apply to deadlines. I’m obsessive about meeting deadlines and obligations. Also anything related to publishing. If I delay there is a reason behind it. This blog post applies to, well, everything else.)

I wasn’t sure how to come back and share my flaw. I’m embarrassed by it. Then I remembered the time I called that one person who told me I hadn’t seen them in two months.

Remarkably, I can’t seem to remember their name…

Anyway, I’m back.

And Dater 2 never called back. I wonder what I did wrong.

Desperation is the downfall of well-intentioned people

8 Apr

This might be naïve (shocker), but I tend to think most people are well-intentioned. I think this is a positive thing for society. When you have well-intentioned people on the planet, things are probably going to be okay.

They aren’t trying to cause trouble. They’re just living their life and moseying along, tipping their cowboy hats to the masses.

But there is a major downfall. I’ve started noticing a pretty distinct pattern.

Desperation is when well-intentioned people falter. Desperation is where it all goes wrong.

Flower, Spring, Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Desperation, Comedy, Laughter

At some point, this flower felt desperate. It’s life, man.

We’ve all been there. I know, I’m calling you all desperate, now you’ll run away. You all probably think I’m so mean to you… I’m just being honest…

Kidding.

Hear me out.

I’m not calling you desperate, per say. I just think sometimes we find ourselves in awkward positions, and the desperation to get out leaks nasty fluids.

Too visceral?

There’s that feeling that makes us do things that we wouldn’t do under normal circumstances. We all have the ability to fall into this dark hole, and the horrible thing is that it can all be documented on the internet.

One stray thought. One thoughtless picture. DOCUMENTED. For all time.

This is why we go promo crazy when we’re trying to sell our books, our gadgets, or our time. We start out levelheaded. We start out smart. We’re calm and rational beings at one with our even-keeled sides.

But as the time goes by… As we’re disillusioned… As the road traveled gets a little bumpy, I’ve found myself getting a little… desperate.

This is where we get down with our bad selves, but not the good bad.

When I think back on my life, desperation has always been my downfall. I’ve found myself in the most damaging situations when I was desperate for something.

Desperate for love, attention, friendship. That curling anxiety in our stomachs is what makes us act out against the best of our intentions.

I wish I had a way to halt those feelings. I wish I had a way to take a deep breath and just STOP.

We need to remember that life doesn’t owe us anything. I need to remember this most of all.

We don’t need to start feeling desperate, because we can come together and remind each other that it’s okay. Things aren’t working out, but that doesn’t mean they won’t in the future.

Things seem desperate, but they’re not. Life can always get worse. How’s that for a pep talk?

Really, though, I wanted to write this post because I thought it was important. Not because I know calling you all desperate will lose all my followers (please don’t run away). But because I get desperate and that’s when I make all my bad decisions.

We can’t allow ourselves to fall down the sink hole in this digital world. Everyone has their cameras aimed and their derision at the ready.

Have you ever found yourself getting a little desperate? Is that when you tend to go beyond the best of your intentions? Or am I a lone, desperate soul?

It’s possible. 😉

Let’s stick together and watch out for those potholes. When we start to panic, talk to a friend and know that we’ve all been there. Not that any of us would ever admit to being… desperate.

We’re all perfect.

*snorts*

-Kin

What do we do when we can’t stand people?

13 Mar

Sometimes there are people in life who don’t like you. I find this all the time. People aren’t real thrilled with me, and I completely get that. We will never be BFFs. That’s okay.

(I try to tell myself it’s okay.)

The more difficult thing for me is when I don’t like someone. This seriously rarely happens. There are two people I can think of right now that I actively dislike. Sure, when I was younger the list was much longer, but most of that angst? I’m so over it.

Consider me lazy.

I don’t like wasting energy on actively disliking people.

Grass, Grass is greener on the other side, Kinley Baker, Romance Author

Sometimes disliking people is like telling grass: I don’t like your face.

However, some people I just don’t get.

A situation like this happened:

Take Reid, a handsome, deadly Warrior with a vulnerable center. (We’re using him as an example because he’s the hero from the book I just turned in.) I LOVE Reid. We get along totally well.

Unfortunately, he has this friend named George. (We’re using this name because I don’t know anyone named George and I’m 90% sure I’ve never named a character that.)

I seriously dislike George.

I can’t tell you anything specific about why, but I just don’t get him AT ALL.

Yet Reid insists on being one of his best friends.

I LOVE Reid. I CAN’T STAND George.

The selfish part of me wants Reid to explain himself. If he can’t offer a rational explanation for his acceptance of George, maybe I don’t love Reid as much as I thought. Maybe he’s not the best judge of character.

I’ve told Reid a lot of secrets. I don’t know how to break up with him without offending my heroine. She doesn’t want to live without him or something, which, at the moment, I find completely inconvenient all around.

So Reid and I are in this awkward point in our relationship. We both know something’s wrong. I don’t really want to tell him the truth. All this disliking makes me feel like a bad person. Admitting these words out loud means I can never take them back. Reid will know I’m not as nice as I claim to be.

Then I have this epiphany. Reid chose me as a friend, too. Sure it started out as an author/character relationship, but through this process we’ve formed something meaningful.

Here I am thinking Reid is a bad judge of character, when HE CHOSE ME.

*ponders this further*

I start to realize that if Reid set his bar higher, I might not make the cut.

*the crowd gasps*

I know. Basically, I’m spending all this active energy thinking negative thoughts about someone, and they’re probably a better person than I am. They’re probably just living their life and trying to do good where they can.

I hate that moment of, holy heels, I’m the problem. Have you ever experienced that? You’re like I HATE YOU, WORLD. I HATE YOU, BROKEN COMPUTER. I HATE YOU, BLAH BLAH BLAH (*insert your demon*).

Once your temper cools off, you realize you’re the one who spilled water on the computer. It’s really probably not the inanimate object’s fault. No one is there to monitor you though, so you raise an angry fist and spit curses anyway.

Come on, admit it. You’ve cursed inanimate objects before and then it ended up being user error.

George is not out mugging civilians or committing assault. He’s just bumbling along (I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop myself from using the word bumbling).

This is an example of how there’s multiple sides to every story. We’re not going to understand everyone, and sometimes people will rub us the wrong way. It’s our responsibility to funnel that annoyance into something positive.

Can we all be thankful for characters who are smarter than the author?

Reid totally taught me a valuable lesson, and even though I’ll probably forget with the next annoyance right around the corner, at least I’m a little better person today.

At least I caught myself from placing the blame in the wrong corner. If I can catch myself today, maybe I can catch myself next week. Hopefully, I’ll form a more positive pattern.

At the end of the day, I can’t change idiots, but I can change how I respond to them. Not that George is an idiot… *coughs*

There I go falling back into my old ways!

I am channeling this into something positive… I am channeling… I am channeling…

Did you see what George just—?!

*exasperated sigh*

Well. Good thing I don’t claim to be perfect. 😉

Kinley Baker (@kinleybaker)