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Don’t Take Candy from Strangers… Unless It’s Ice Cream

6 Feb

Ice cream trucks are creepy.

I’m just putting that out there.

In theory, they’re supposed to be this:

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Ice Cream Truck, Ice Cream

In actuality, sometimes they’re more like this:

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Ice Cream Truck, Ice Cream

Now, before we continue on, I just have to say… Not ALL Ice Cream Trucks are creepy. I have this vision of an angry mob of villagers stampeding the castle.

Probably because I read and write too much fantasy and it’s not much of a story or a blog post if there isn’t an angry mob storming something.

Perhaps I should say the logic of ice cream trucks is the problem. The real deal is:

We tell our kids not to take candy from strangers.

But if a van comes driving slowly down the street… with its twinkle music, a stranger behind the wheel, and the lure of frozen treats…

RUN toward them. In fact, RUN and scream: ICE CREAMMM!!!

One time I was walking my dog and this kid heard the music and he LOST IT. Like seriously lost it.

Maybe you aren’t surprised because you’ve witnessed the small children/Ice Cream Truck phenomenon, but I was new to the neighborhood, and I couldn’t believe his enthusiasm. If we bottled that energy, we’d never need caffeine.

He shouted: ICE CREAMMM!!! He RAN down the street, waving his hands, chasing the truck.

All I could think was, doesn’t this kid have ice cream in his freezer?

I have ice cream in my freezer that’s been sitting there for months. Part of me wants to give this kid a carton of ice cream. Here, just take it! It’s reduced fat so your mom can’t get angry. Well she can… Because I’m a stranger…

This is where my paranoia kicks in. His mom will probably get mad and then come knock on my door. There is nothing I fear more than an angry neighbor knocking on my door to complain. In fact to be safe, never knock on my door and we’ll get along just fine.

So to avoid parent XYZ and to stop perpetuating this madness, I won’t give the kid ice cream…

He’s probably better off with the ice cream truck.

You’d think this couldn’t get worse. How could we possibly make this more creepy? We’ve got an old VAN. A complete stranger with candy. Scary twinkle music. A setting for the terrifying horror movie that is inevitable from this scenario.

But then we do make it worse because we tell our kids to pay the man with the candy. Talk about a mixed message.

Don’t take candy from strangers.

But if it’s the ice cream man, it’s okay.

And remember to pay them.

Always pay strangers for candy!

Let’s apply this to adulthood, because the lesson extends to us. How many of you go crazy for candy?

I’m guessing a lot.

What if I told you I’m giving away free chocolate? Do you want some? Do you…

Your answer should be NO!

I’m a stranger.

That was a test.

See? We all jump aboard the candy from strangers’ wagon. It’s pervading our society.

We aren’t very good examples for the little ones (I’m mostly kidding, I’m sure you’re lovely).

You might be thinking, but it’s only chocolate…

Still, remember. I am a stranger. Don’t take candy from strangers. And ice cream is a candy. How many of you are living in denial? It’s not candy… Okay. *nods* We all believe you.

I didn’t make this up. Ice cream trucks were rolling around with their scary twinkle music for years before I ever hit the radar.

I’m trying to figure out how to end this post on an upbeat note.

FREE CANDY FOR EVERYONE!!!

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Candy

JUST KIDDING.

That was another test.

You all fail.

We’ll be diving deeper into this issue on Friday with the post: That Awkward Moment When History Was Joking… But We Took Them For Reals

How is everyone doing this week? I’ve been in this weird kind of hyper/tired mood. Probably from too much candy from strangers. I’m just as guilty as the rest of you.

Who’s never taken candy from strangers? That’s a different question! Please advise us in your wise, wise ways.

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