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Strangers in vans are bad. Got it.

28 Jun

Remember this post?

I told my dad that story and he said, “Never stop and talk to people in vans.”

You know, in case you ever wondered why I’m so dang paranoid. It wasn’t taught to me or anything.

The whole time I was writing that post, I was honestly thinking, maybe I should add in here how I don’t support talking to strangers.

With that said, don’t talk to strangers in vans. I support that.

I wonder how my dad feels about ice cream trucks. It’s all starting to make sense now.

You can’t trust people, but you can trust dogs. Paw to paw with my man, Joker.

Joker, Dogs, Dog Friends, Kinley Baker, Romance Author

Kinley Baker

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That Awkward Moment When History Was Joking… But We Took Them For Reals

8 Feb

Continuing with Wednesday’s post about creepy ice cream trucks (because that whole idea went over so strangely), I have one question…

Who decided this was a good idea?

(Scroll down for a video of the creepiest ice cream truck OF ALL TIME.)

***

The world is a crazy place. Our society is basically made up of a ton of things that someone else at one point in history decided was a good idea.

They aren’t around now to laugh.

A random historical figure: “Someone actually believed me when I suggested ice cream trucks? That was a joke…”

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Thumbs Up, Socially Constructed, Hands

Thumbs Up Because Someone Says!
What…
You Want To Know Who?
We Don’t Know!
Just Someone!
by Kinley Baker

The truth is that no one really knows what they’re doing. We’re all making everything up.

We see this all the time when “experts” tell us to eat margarine instead of butter because it’s healthier. Then twenty-five years later, some other “expert” tells us that butter is better after all.

How are we supposed to keep up with all the things we’re supposed to do?

Sometimes I worry about people who give out advice. It’s like, I dwell on my shortcomings… Your confidence makes me suspicious.

So many questions… Millions of answers. How do we know the right choices?

This is what terrifies me about the prospect of having children.

You have to decide very important, life changing things like if you’re going to give your kid toothpaste with SIMUTPBX (Special Imaginary Made Up Toothpaste Brand X).

These types of scenarios spiral out of control in my brain.

You want your child to have healthy teeth, don’t you? Have you seen the studies that directly relate tooth health to overall health?

A good parent would make sure his/her son or daughter had healthy teeth…

So you buy the expensive brand of toothpaste from the dentist. With the best of intentions.

Meanwhile, the anti-SIMUTPBX board is hosting rallies about how terrible SIMUTPBX is to give children. If you give your children SIMTUPBX, you are a bad parent!

And teeth are just the start of the conundrum. An important part if you’ve read those studies.

There are all these decisions we have to take responsibility for as a parent, and society feels like they have the right to judge us for those tough choices.

That’s a heavy burden to bear.

All this time, we’re trying to figure out what’s best for our children, and at some point someone decided that creepy ice cream trucks are a good idea.

The scary, twinkle music alone makes me edgy.

I walk down the street thinking… this is the point in the scary movie when they pan the nice, innocent neighborhood with all the kids playing. Then: BAM.

*Something bad happens.*

I would include more detail here, but I don’t watch the scary part of scary movies, so I don’t know what happens during those scenes.

Here is a video to PROVE what I’m saying. This is the buildup in a scary movie if I’ve ever seen one (WARNING: Adult Language. Recommended for 18+):

I use the phrasing that the world is “socially constructed” because it’s true. Everything we believe is a product of our Ancestors.

If you could make something different, what would you choose? Even the smallest ideas would have such drastic results, it’s hard to imagine.

I’m not saying I’d get rid of ice cream trucks PER SAY. But I might have changed the music.

Can you imagine rap music busting out from an ice cream truck? I bet this happens, but I’ve never seen it. I’d have to get down with my mad dance skills in the middle of the street.

That was a joke. I have no mad skills.

(Well, I think I do. But public opinion argues differently)

🙂

Happy Friday! I have no idea what I’m posting on Monday. I’m a rebel that way. But there will be a post. And it won’t be about ice cream trucks, because frankly, I’ve been craving ice cream all week.

What’s your favorite ice cream? I think I’ll break down and go buy a carton. Suggestions?

Kinley Baker (@kinleybaker)

Don’t Take Candy from Strangers… Unless It’s Ice Cream

6 Feb

Ice cream trucks are creepy.

I’m just putting that out there.

In theory, they’re supposed to be this:

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Ice Cream Truck, Ice Cream

In actuality, sometimes they’re more like this:

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Ice Cream Truck, Ice Cream

Now, before we continue on, I just have to say… Not ALL Ice Cream Trucks are creepy. I have this vision of an angry mob of villagers stampeding the castle.

Probably because I read and write too much fantasy and it’s not much of a story or a blog post if there isn’t an angry mob storming something.

Perhaps I should say the logic of ice cream trucks is the problem. The real deal is:

We tell our kids not to take candy from strangers.

But if a van comes driving slowly down the street… with its twinkle music, a stranger behind the wheel, and the lure of frozen treats…

RUN toward them. In fact, RUN and scream: ICE CREAMMM!!!

One time I was walking my dog and this kid heard the music and he LOST IT. Like seriously lost it.

Maybe you aren’t surprised because you’ve witnessed the small children/Ice Cream Truck phenomenon, but I was new to the neighborhood, and I couldn’t believe his enthusiasm. If we bottled that energy, we’d never need caffeine.

He shouted: ICE CREAMMM!!! He RAN down the street, waving his hands, chasing the truck.

All I could think was, doesn’t this kid have ice cream in his freezer?

I have ice cream in my freezer that’s been sitting there for months. Part of me wants to give this kid a carton of ice cream. Here, just take it! It’s reduced fat so your mom can’t get angry. Well she can… Because I’m a stranger…

This is where my paranoia kicks in. His mom will probably get mad and then come knock on my door. There is nothing I fear more than an angry neighbor knocking on my door to complain. In fact to be safe, never knock on my door and we’ll get along just fine.

So to avoid parent XYZ and to stop perpetuating this madness, I won’t give the kid ice cream…

He’s probably better off with the ice cream truck.

You’d think this couldn’t get worse. How could we possibly make this more creepy? We’ve got an old VAN. A complete stranger with candy. Scary twinkle music. A setting for the terrifying horror movie that is inevitable from this scenario.

But then we do make it worse because we tell our kids to pay the man with the candy. Talk about a mixed message.

Don’t take candy from strangers.

But if it’s the ice cream man, it’s okay.

And remember to pay them.

Always pay strangers for candy!

Let’s apply this to adulthood, because the lesson extends to us. How many of you go crazy for candy?

I’m guessing a lot.

What if I told you I’m giving away free chocolate? Do you want some? Do you…

Your answer should be NO!

I’m a stranger.

That was a test.

See? We all jump aboard the candy from strangers’ wagon. It’s pervading our society.

We aren’t very good examples for the little ones (I’m mostly kidding, I’m sure you’re lovely).

You might be thinking, but it’s only chocolate…

Still, remember. I am a stranger. Don’t take candy from strangers. And ice cream is a candy. How many of you are living in denial? It’s not candy… Okay. *nods* We all believe you.

I didn’t make this up. Ice cream trucks were rolling around with their scary twinkle music for years before I ever hit the radar.

I’m trying to figure out how to end this post on an upbeat note.

FREE CANDY FOR EVERYONE!!!

Kinley Baker, Romance Author, Candy

JUST KIDDING.

That was another test.

You all fail.

We’ll be diving deeper into this issue on Friday with the post: That Awkward Moment When History Was Joking… But We Took Them For Reals

How is everyone doing this week? I’ve been in this weird kind of hyper/tired mood. Probably from too much candy from strangers. I’m just as guilty as the rest of you.

Who’s never taken candy from strangers? That’s a different question! Please advise us in your wise, wise ways.