Although when I think about it I have quite a few scars.
2013 was a very strange year as most of my years are. I do tend to star in the motion picture of my life, so I’m not surprised strangeness managed to work its way in there.
But 2013 left me with a lot of silences. Mainly from experiences and events I had no words for. I didn’t blog or tweet about them. I didn’t talk about them. I just went through them and found no words on the other side.
I’m very impressed by people who share their struggles so openly. Every time I read something heartbreaking, I mourn for the struggle.
I joke sometimes that one of my greatest strengths is mourning for strangers. It’s not really a joke. When tragedy happens, I go into a state of deep sorrow.
But my words? They get lost somewhere from thought to keyboard.
I don’t think that’s always bad.
Thoughtful silences are okay.
But oh, the irony. A writer without words? How will the world of said writer move on? How can someone who places so much value on a syllable manage to not string two together?
On the darkest days, I feel like a failure. On the lightest days… well, I’m not thinking about being a failure. Syllables probably aren’t in the picture either.
Through our struggles we find thoughts and feelings and we often manage to express them in ways that offend. But that’s what living is, isn’t it?
For if we have no thoughts, we will be silenced. No one will be offended by that. Although, there are people who will be offended by silences.
But if we don’t speak our minds or our hearts, that significantly reduces the amount of people who will be offended.
Speaking our minds and our hearts matters though. What else is fiction? An expression of self. An escape. A love deeper than anyone can know.
I am so paranoid about offending. I worry about it constantly. Then I find myself silenced.
My goal for 2014 is to offend. Not obnoxiously. Not without careful thought. But with purpose. So I don’t find myself at the end of 2014 like I feel now at the end of 2013.
Dishonest only for not speaking my truth.
I worry so much about so many things. I hope in 2014 I find the strength to stop worrying and find the courage to thrive.
For writers, words are our legacy. If we do it right, that will matter more than it will offend.
May the new year bring you happiness and health. Reflection and pride. Love and family. Chocolate and coffee. Pasta for those who don’t like sweets. Lots of new stories and characters. And lots of excellent new books.