Tag Archives: Life Dealing

Five ways to make 2016 better than 2015

25 Jan

This new year I felt especially determined to make positive changes in my life. I’m not sure why it was so vital to start over, but I think I’ve gone through a lot lately, and I’m really ready to embrace decisions that will make me happier and healthier.

So five goals for 2016 are:

1.) Read more books

I always read a lot of books, but this year I’m going to track how many. Some of you read fifty books a year and I think that’s awesome! I know I’ve read that many in a year before, but with a little one, it takes me much longer to read. In fact, two of the books I’ve read so far this year were me staying awake until 1 AM. This was not the best decision, but worth it. So far I’ve read four new books and re-read two books.

2.) Track word count and revisions

This year I really want to track what I’m reading and writing. Last year I felt pretty disappointed about what I’d accomplished, and I think it’s because I don’t remember how much work I put in. It’s important to remember how far we’ve come, even when we don’t have tangible proof. I hope to write four new books this year. I’m almost done with the first one.

3.) Enjoy spending time with family

I think this one is self-explanatory. I love my family and really want to be present with my full attention when I’m with them.

The child is starting to imitate me. AHHH. Everyone get scared.

CZAz83rWYAAj14s

Mother Like Son

4.) Try something new

I think this might be self-publishing an entirely new YA series. I’m gearing up for it, we’ll see. If I decide not to do this, I hope I do something else new and exciting. I know my husband and I have a few fun day trips planned this year for birthdays and our anniversary, so that will be exciting.

5.) Be healthier

I really want to eat healthier and work out more. As of today, I’m struggling with this. I hope to get there. I really do feel better when I eat less processed food and cut all beverages but water. I did this during my pregnancy, including no caffeine, but I’m not sure I can do the no caffeine thing now. Diet Coke, I love you.

What do you hope for 2016?

NOTE: Please let me know if you’re interested in beta reading, critiquing, or just reading to tell me if you like it, a YA Paranormal Romance. The series is called Shifting High. First book hero is a bumbling but adorable football player bear shifter. Heroine is a socially awkward smart loner who has a secret even she doesn’t know about. 45K.

-Kinley Baker/Kinley Cade
@KinleyBaker
@KinleyCade

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I am the unlikeable heroine

18 Jan

I’m not sure when a person realizes they are the unlikeable heroine.

It could be on the playground when they wear bright pink pants to school and everyone calls them: “the pink-pancer”.

It could be the horribly awkward middle school event when it was so hot they sweated like crazy and no one asked them to dance.

It could be the time they fought with their best friend and realized they didn’t have another friend to turn to.

It could be the time after time they trusted and learned they shouldn’t have.

It could be as an adult, when friendships are the hardest to find and keep.

It could be every time they attempt a conversation and the dreaded dead silent pause that haunts and lingers in the days and months after.

I’m not sure when we start telling girls they’re unlikeable. I see it in the media all the time.

The world tells us we must be young, and beautiful, and smart, but probably not too smart, maybe not too beautiful, definitely not too young.

The world tries to tell us we’re not unlikeable heroines, while enforcing we’re unlikeable heroines.

It’s not that I don’t want kickass heroine superheroes who are smart and compassionate and have wicked skills with a weapon. I love stories like this, write stories like this, and I’m happy to see more of them lately. I’m happy we’re being allowed to expand the narrow perception of media.

We aren’t always getting it right, but we can all see the attempts, even as we watch the stumbling.

I stumble.

I know I don’t always get things right. I know I’m not particularly adept at making people feel comfortable. I know my smile doesn’t come across as reassuring (when I’m uncomfortable, I kind of smile like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory when he’s faking it).

I know I’m painfully awkward and shy around strangers.

I know I can kill a conversation in ten seconds flat.

I know I’m jumpy and extremely distrustful of everyone. I know I’m paranoid to an unhealthy degree, and I know I’m not the fun girl, the girl who’s different, the girl who saves the day.

I know these things because I’m the unlikeable heroine. I’m terrible at cooking and keeping the house clean. I don’t remember things unless I write them down, and then I have to remember where I wrote them. I have massive driving anxiety so I guess carpool mom of the year is out.

I’m full of empathy but guilty of not having empathy at times. I can mourn for strangers sometimes better than I can mourn for a friend.

I could attempt to use a sword but it’d probably be more dangerous for me than you.

I am whiny, and dramatic, and annoying as all hell. Half the time I annoy myself, so I’m sure I annoy others.

I try to be respectful of people but catch me in a bad mood, and I might snap.

I rarely get super angry, but when I’m pissed, stand down.

The hardest part about being unlikeable is you know other people have their own quirks, yet they don’t seem so unlikeable. So what is it about you?

Sometimes when I read about unlikeable heroines, I start to feel really bad about myself. Because I am the unlikeable heroine, and I always have been.

It’s important to ones sense of self to be likeable. It’s not even that much of a compliment. It’s just the ability to be liked. It’s not even committing to full on like.

No one should grow up feeling like the unlikeable one. They are the heroes and heroines in their own journeys, and they should get to be who they are, flaws and all.

Everyone has the ability to be liked. Let’s stop taking that away from people.

If you want to read great stories about incredible heroines who are flawed and awesome I’d try Kresley Cole, G.A. Aiken, Victoria Dahl, and Tamara Morgan if you haven’t already. Share more suggestions in the comments if you’d like because that’s just off the top of my head.

-Kinley Baker
-Kinley Cade
@KinleyBaker

If you want to read my rant about millennial news coverage, check out last week’s post HERE.

Millennial parenting: I think we’re going to be okay

11 Jan

I can’t read an article about millennials without writing an angry rebuttal. I won’t post all those rants, but I will post this one because I think it’s the most important.

As a millennial, I’m now a parent. Even while the world is this bleak and tragedy bleeds through our lives, sometimes I think it’s going to be okay when I think of what I hope for my son.

I hope my son is happy. I hope he’s lucky enough to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day.

I hope he knows love. With one person or four people, a man or a woman, lots of men or lots of women. I don’t care who he chooses or how many as long as he knows true love that honors and cherishes and protects.

I hope he finds a passion. Ideally, he’d make a living from it. If he’d rather just make it a hobby, that works, too. I hope he finds something that makes him excited for tomorrow.

I hope he laughs. And smiles. And sings. I hope he’s a better singer than me.

I hope he dances out his feelings—Footloose style. Again, with more finesse than me.

I hope he appreciates his privilege. I want him to understand that we are equal in words but not in action.

I hope he celebrates the differences in people rather than judges.

I hope he doesn’t feel the need to tell other people how to live their lives because he thinks his way is the only way.

I hope he understands he’s lucky to have healthcare (hopefully he’ll grow up having it) and I want him to know not everyone is covered and how devastating not having healthcare can be to physical, emotional, and financial health.

I hope he never goes into debt.

I hope he believes in equality. I hope he sees the flaws in our systems and works to change them.

I hope he gives second chances. To people, to life, to himself.

I hope he’s kind. I hope he’s considerate. I hope he’s caring.

I hope he learns. If there’s one thing guaranteed, I know my son will make mistakes. I know one day I’ll be disappointed in him. I know one day he’ll be disappointed in me. I know he’ll take wrong paths and winding roads and I will probably feel sick to my stomach watching him travel.

I hope he always knows I love him. I hope he ventures out into the world and blazes his own path. I hope he’s brave and daring and doesn’t worry as much as I do. I hope he worries a little, just so he’s not completely reckless.

I hope he knows he can always come home. In triumph. In failure. In love. In defeat.

I hope he knows I’m never trying to tell him who to be. I hope he takes my guidance or suggestions as lessons learned rather than criticisms.

I hope he chooses to listen rather than speak. I hope he speaks when it matters.

I hope he grows up in a world that’s safer. I hope he grows up in a world with less hate. I hope he grows up in a world with less violence.

I hope he chooses to give compliments rather than insults.

I hope he knows that the nature of humanity makes us all susceptible to chaos but it also makes us susceptible to beauty.

I hope he knows his own nature. I hope he likes his own nature. I hope he likes himself. But maybe not too much.

I hope he recognizes society is socially constructed and it can be changed, even when it feels impossible.

I hope he finds comfort in home.

I hope he feels comfortable with himself.

I think of all my hopes for my son and I realize, it’s a lot less about what he’ll have and more about the effect he’ll have on the world. I hope it’s positive.

I don’t want to burden my son with expectations. I’m well aware this list is full of them.

There are so many things I want my son to be.

More than anything, I want him to be decent. Despite all the articles about millennials with all the negatives, I see a lot of millennials with the parental goals of creating a generation that’s decent.

That’s why I think the world is going to be okay. Maybe not tomorrow, or next year, or a decade from now. But eventually.

-Kinley
@KinleyBaker
@KinleyCade

Maintaining ridiculousness during traumatic experiences like a champ

6 Aug

It occurred to me that I rarely share online what I’m going through in real life and this makes it a little awkward. So I’m going to share a bit more about myself.

Last week I went in for a liver biopsy. It sounds kind of scary and I’d describe how they do it but it’s graphic and makes me shiver, but really, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s pretty basic. In… Out… Done.

Except apparently rarely you can get severe nerve pain? I was heavily drugged for most of the medical explanation but I reacted badly to the biopsy and all I remember is lots of doctors and an emergency x-ray and an emergency ultrasound and etc. until they decided I was okay and sent me home with pain meds.

My first lucid thought was… I’m totally giving a character nerve pain because I know what it’s like!

(There’s a purpose to the story, I swear.)

Also.

Even when all of this was happening I told the doctor, “Sorry for being high-maintenance,” which is a really ridiculous thing to say. *pumps arms in the air like a champ*

Then I felt really insecure about the drama because I turned out to be okay and my husband was sitting in the corner of the hospital room watching all of this.

Anyway, it took me a lot longer to heal than they first told me it would take. And my husband made the comment that Kinley Recovery Time always seems to be twice as long as everyone else.

My first instinct was to say “YOU LIE!” But then he said when I go to the dentist and have completely healthy teeth I can’t eat for the rest of the day and I realized it was true.

I take longer to heal. It’s the same when I get sick.

Guess that goes to show everyone is different and unique and sometimes we have qualities that are inconvenient but life is all about patching over the inconveniences and finding ways to deal.

So that’s my story about the hospital. I want it on record that I maintained my ridiculousness even during trying times.

Kinley Baker (@KinleyBaker)
Kinley Cade (@KinleyCade)

Five ways my dog copies me and one way I should probably copy him

21 May

My dog’s name is Joker and he is a terrier.

Lately, I’ve noticed that some of my dog’s more unfortunate habits look… familiar.

Habit 1: World weary sighing

My dog sighs like the apocalypse is coming and he’s the only who knows but no one will listen to him spout his wisdom no matter how many times he barks. He sits comfortably… and sighs… for no reason.

This used to annoy me until I realized why he does it. It’s because I sit and randomly sigh at my computer all the time!

I sigh at my manuscripts. I sigh at the ridiculousness I read online. I sigh in frustration.

I sigh and often look at my dog who makes immediate eye contact and I say things like, “I know Joker.” And he sighs with me.

His sighing? My fault.

Habit 2: Whining

Oh the whining! Sometimes he just sits and looks at us and whines. He’s been fed, he has water, we played for an hour, we went for a walk, we bought him a doggie bone castle (that last one is exaggerated), but he still whines.

Let’s just keep it simple and say… my fault, my influence.

Habit 3: Treat dance

You can’t say the word “treat” without Joker going bananas. He can’t handle the word and he barks and leaps. I’m not saying I bark, but… If you say the word “cheesecake” or “pasta” or anything to do with ice cream… you might witness a similar show.

Not often… but often enough for the dog to copy me.

Habit 4: The stare

My dog stares. He sits. He positions himself so his head fits perfectly over say, a leg, or a pillow, an arm rest, and he stares at you. It’s super annoying.

Until I realized I do the same thing to my husband. Sometimes I just stare at him until he asks me why I’m staring. And it’s usually for the same goal as Joker: attention.

Then when Joker and I are asked what we want we both do a casual shrug. “Nothing. Just wanted you to ask.”

Habit 5: The throne of fleece blankets

Joker feels entitled to fleece blankets because my obsession with fleece blankets leads to ridiculousness like this:

blankets, fleece, fleece throne, dog, puppy, terrier

I’m not saying I sit on a similar fleece throne and write my books, but well…

And finally, I noticed a habit Joker has that I don’t.

Joker’s habit: General friendliness

Joker always wants to play with everyone! He barks and jumps and he wants to be the life of the party.

And I… do the opposite. I try to be polite but I don’t tug at the leash to be friendly.

After all the bad habits I gave Joker, I wouldn’t mind taking that one from him. I wish I could express my enthusiasm with such zest.

But I suppose he’s meant to do the barking. And I’ll just stand awkwardly next to him and thank you when you tell me he’s cute (even though I had nothing to do with his cuteness).

Do you share habits with your dog/cat/animal houseguest? I feel like I can’t be the only one.

Kinley Baker
@Kinley Baker

I see what you did there, life

9 May

Next week a lot of you are going to RT and I’m jealous. For those who don’t know, it’s a huge conference for those who love the romance genre. Which I support! Completely (in case you haven’t figured out by now that I love romance).

Anyway, I was really seriously thinking about going this year but things didn’t work out.

Now, it turns out that events have come up which means I wouldn’t get to go anyway. I won’t tell you the what because it’s not my what to tell. But I’ll be needed at home.

It always surprises me when things seem to work out this way. If I would have made all the plans like I’d originally wanted, I’d be canceling now. Since things didn’t work out initially, I’m not in the position where I have to do that.

I’m grateful but I also just want to say… I see what you did there, life.

Life seems to have that coyness about it. Obstacles get in the way. Nothing goes as scheduled.

A lot of the time I think one way is the only way things can work out. When it doesn’t, I’m crushed.

Later on, once I have some perspective, I can look back. In those moments I start to see the why. I see why it didn’t work out and I even start to see the better path that might be out in front of me.

In those moments I realize I just need to have faith. It’s the hardest thing of all to have, especially when things aren’t going according to the plan. But the plan rarely works out.

Since the beginning of my publishing journey I’ve always had a plan. The plan has changed many times, but I’ve always had a plan.

The challenge was convincing other people to join the plan train. I wanted to tell people, no, seriously, I have a plan! I just need you to hop on at this stop and we’ll make the rest of the journey together.

It’s really hard to convince a stranger to get on a train with you when they don’t know the destination. They really have to believe in whatever reason they get on the train in the first place. Because who knows where it will end up?

I think I’ve learned the plan has to be flexible. A person needs the willingness to change and alter and step outside the comfort zone of the train cart. Or in other words, they need to get up on the roof.

*climbs up without looking down at the landscape speeding by*

I am borrowing the Titanic trend and standing on the roof with my hands held out wide. Probably because I’ve always wanted to fly.

But I’m also closing my eyes because I’m terrified like WOAH.

I’m getting really tired of letting fear stop me. There’s no Jack holding me, so I suppose I’ll just have to fly by myself and hope for some wings.

Have a great weekend. On Monday I’ll have a post that has to do with Mean Girls and writing. And a picture of a fish. What?! All three… I know, don’t miss it.

Kinley
@KinleyBaker
@KinleyCade

Wait, my husband likes what?

7 May

This post includes one title that could be construed as inappropriate (totally your call), one picture of a t-shirt that involves both otters and wizards (yes, you read that right), and a lesson on relationships that takes some people (in this case me) eight years to learn.

I want to start with the most important of the three (obviously the t-shirt) but I’ll save that until the end as a teaser.

This all started with my husband not feeling 100% well on his birthday. Health has not been something easily achieved in our household this year (part of the reason for my absence), but since the blog isn’t about that, I’ll skim over that part.

Basically, I couldn’t do my original plan for his birthday. So I asked him what he wanted to do. And he said he wanted to go the Aquarium.

I believe my response was something like, why?

He said… he likes the Aquarium.

Wait, what?

I didn’t know this. You’d think you’d know something like this about someone you’ve spent eight years with, but no. Never came up.

If I was a more observant person, I suppose I could have noticed the fish tank that showed up in our house one day after I specifically said, you can get a fish tank but I’m not touching it (too many fish memorials in my youth).

Having a fish tank in your home might symbolize that you might also enjoy the Aquarium but this did not compute in my brain.

Which just goes to show, it doesn’t really matter how long you love someone. They can always surprise you. 😀

Has a partner in a relationship ever surprised you?

And guess what people like us buy at Aquariums?

Did you guess a Harry Potter otter shirt?

Because you are correct!

Hairy Otter Shirt

Normal people go to the Aquarium and still manage to share their HP love. Or… I hear it’s normal.

Happy hump day! (Love those camel commercials… Lol.)

And shout out to all the #WANA1012. Great party last night!

Also RUINED (click here) and DENIED (click here) are still on sale for $2.99 each. 🙂

Kinley
@KinleyBaker